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this my educationist comment: 

This is a very cheerful starting top, with some cheerful ideas. You made a ample job in restly entire the evaluated areas, stagnant this stagnant deficiencys some operation to seize a cheerful mould. 
These are the things you should rendezvous the most on:
(1) Construction and controversy. Think encircling what it is that you are perplexing to judge, and organise your tops acceptably. You deficiency a cheerful construction with induction and falsification that exaplain distinctly what you are perplexing to do. Similarly, your tops deficiency to analyse the effect, referable impartial illustrate it, so you deficiency past sources to tail it up. Try and reason undivided article to construct undivided top, which should be polite attended.
(2) Referencing. There is no referencing in the extract. When communication the disquisition, prosper the guidelines control Harvard referencing. Also, you deficiency to reason at last 5 references of an academic condition. Do past exploration and discover what is useful control you. 
(3) Pay rest consideration to your grammar and syntax. You can aid yourself with Grammarly control occurrence, or examination you classmates to proofinterpret your operation. Seize past era to interpret through your esjudge succeeding you complete it and burnish entire the smentire mistakes. 
Keep it up! 

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